I feel obligated to inform you all that I may have given a false sense of happiness in my past blogs thus far on my journey. I am happy, and loving being here, and having a once in a lifetime opportunity, but I have also recently been very homesick and longed to be home. This trip was blessed by God from the start, and that was so apparent to me in the way that I was able to raise my money so easily and how a number of other things seemed to fall into place. So, I know Panama is where I am supposed to be. No doubt about that. Here is where I am though:
I think I tried to convince myself that I had no expectations for this trip. I think I planned to just come to Panama and live and love. However, if I am honest with myself I can see that I expected to make amazing relationships with tons of Panamanians and bring people to Christ and just exponentially improve upon their quality of living. Things have not been so, at least not as clearly as I would hope for it to have been.
Last week when the group from Memphis was here I was feeling unappreciated for whatever reason, and I really had no right to feel that way. Before this trip I wrote that I was going to seek praise only from God rather than from humans or any other source. I was using the verse "...a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people." from Romans as somewhat of a guide. Nevertheless, I found myself not being filled up the group around me and thus frustrated by my emptiness. Instead of seeking God I continued to look for an earthly praise.
I broke out the funk I was in when I began to assimilate to the group a bit more. It wasn't until today as I flew down the side of a mountain in the beautiful rainforest of Panama and stopped in front of an enormous waterfall on a zip line that I had somewhat of a renewed gratification for our wonderful Creator.
I just realized that although I may have a clouded view of the purpose or lesson that God is trying to send me in the moment of a situation, clarity can be reached once I can step back and look into what God's intentions were for me.
So I am learning that following his call is not pleasant sometimes. It comes with sadness and needs to be done with a humble heart. Writing this out holds me accountable to my promise that I will seek praise from no one but Dios (God). Solo Dios!
Speaking of zip lining through the rainforest, you want to see some pictures?
getting ready to zip it up.
that's me zipping.
beautiful waterfall. Gloria de Dios!
Hasta Luego,
Katelyn
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